Community Report #8 - How to Make a Film Without Any Money, Talent, or Effort - Part 3

No first AD, no permit, no problem. A July 4th film shoot at Griffith Park explodes in chaos.

Transcript

Oliver  0:00
My friends all told me, Don’t invest in movies. Movies always lose money they say, especially for investors. But the reality of that statement is just not true. Look at the average box office for a movie. Have you seen the dollar amounts on those things? I just saw one the other day where it made over $1 billion. I used to own a gardening store. You will never see those kinds of dollar totals in gardening. I mean $1 billion. How can something that makes $1 billion not make money? Needless to say, I ignored my friends and invested. And because of my investment I got to do things, got privileges, you know. I got to host parties for the stars of the film and for other investors. I got to have my car wrecked for a chase scene. I got to have a love scene shot on my couch. It was amazing. Nevertheless, it was July 4th and this planetarium, or observation tower, or what was it again…

Jeremy  1:46
Griffith Park Observatory?

Oliver  1:48
Sorry. Speak up.

Jeremy  1:50
Observatory?

Oliver  1:52
Yes. Observatory. That’s it. This observatory was being shut down for my movie. Or not my movie. But the movie I invested in. And I was going to go there as a guest of honor on the set. I even had a car pick me up. It was this fancy car where I could track its location on my phone and if I didn’t like it, I could request another fancy car. So I went thru like seven or eight cars until I got the one I wanted, and the driver took me to the observatory. But the problem was that the observatory was on a giant hill (almost a mountain), and the line to get up to the top of the hill was very long. It was a line of cars stretching all the way from the very bottom to the top of the hill. I guess word had spread about my movie. So I told the driver to wait for me, but that I was going to walk up.

Jeremy  3:23
You were going to walk up to Griffith Observatory on a 100+ degree day on July 4th?

Oliver  3:30
Huh? I can’t hear you. I am going to need to you to speak up?

Jeremy  3:37
You were going to hike up to the observatory on a hot day?

Oliver  3:42
Yes. What’s wrong with that?

Jeremy  3:45
Just so listeners know, it was forecasted to be 103 degrees Fahrenheit that day and it had not rained since January. It just seems like a risky decision. I mean you are quite, uh, advanced in age.

Oliver  4:04
That is just horse sh bleep. I am 81 years young you jackass. I eat reporters like you for breakfast.

Jeremy  4:16
I am sorry. I did not mean to offend you.

Oliver  4:21
Anyway. Where was I. You ageist bastard. Right. So I embarked on a trail to take me to the observatory at the top. To my movie.

Sarah  4:39
I don’t remember when I heard. I think it was the night before. I mean the director and I were dating, which by the way is not why I got the lead. I won that part fair and square. I had to audition for it and everything.  But anyway. I mean originally that scene was supposed to take place in an office. But then suddenly the location changed to Griffith Observatory under a bunch of fireworks. And because we were dating and I was living with him in his RV, we would just drive the RV to wherever we were shooting each day and meet the rest of the crew. So on that day we pulled up the RV to the entrance there off of Los Feliz where that Bear statue is and got there and like the place was packed. I mean I have been to shopping centers on Black Friday that were less crowded. So O - 

Jeremy  5:31
‘O’ was Sarah’s nickname for O-Micron, the director of the film.

Sarah  5:35
O just started freaking out, because like our location where we were supposed to shoot was at the top of the hill, but the line of cars coming down was probably like 10 miles long or something. And the crew started like calling his cell phone and stuff, all freaking out and everything. And of course we got into a fight because like this was my big day, my big scene - I mean, this is why I took the project. Not to mention now I was going to act it out on this like grand stage under fireworks and everything. But anyway, so we decided to have everyone just leave their cars wherever they were and walk up the road and catch up with the RV. I mean that’s how slow the traffic was moving. That way we could at least like all be together and drive on up there together. But anyway, so like a few hours later, it’s 5pm, and we’re only like halfway up and we got like 15 people packed into the RV, I mean now it was just as crowded in the RV as it was it was in the rest of the park, and suddenly the AC goes out. I mean it was like a million degrees outside and the AC stopped working. So people started getting really ticked. And at this point O just totally flips. He spins the RV around and just parks it across the road. I mean this is a two lane road, one lane for the way up and one for the way down, and he parks all the way across it and just yells, “Ff bleep it! Everybody out!” And he makes us take all the gear out and start carrying it up the rest of the way to the top. I mean can you believe that? I’m supposed to do a scene and now I have to carry sand bags and stuff in 100 degree weather up a ff bleep ing mountain road!? Anyway, I was like, ‘What about the RV? What about our personal stuff?’ He didn’t care, he just said leave it. And I was so ticked at this point, I didn’t care. I literally just took the keys with me and left it there. And people on the road behind us and coming down just started yelling at us. I mean they were totally ticked! And I don’t blame them. Could you imagine Black Friday shopping and someone just traps you permanently in one aisle!

Jim  8:38
I’m Stalin’s cousin. And - 

Jeremy  8:40
He actually goes by a different name now.

Jim  8:43
Oh yeah? What’s he callin’ himself these days? 

Jeremy  8:46
O-Micron.

Jim  8:47
Oh what?

Jeremy  8:48
O-Micron.

Jim  8:51
Well I just call him Stalin.

Jeremy  8:56
Sorry. Go ahead please. 

Jim  9:00
I had just gotten’ out of jail back East and come to LA because it seemed like a good next move. And I get this call from Stalin. He said he had just fired someone the night before and needed someone to fill in. I think officially I was listed as an intern, which was cool, because I had never worked on a movie before. But I was like yeah. I got nothing better to do. So I showed up.

Jeremy  9:35
Can I ask you what you had been in prison for?

Jim  9:39
Jail - 

Jeremy  9:40
Jail, sorry.

Jim  9:41
A really nasty bar fight. A few of them actually. I had had a bit of problem in the past where that’s how I would get out my anger. I’ve always been super shy of people and crowded spaces, except when I drink. But I’m better now. Being in LA helped fix that.

Jeremy  10:04
Jim takes a sip of his beer. It’s 10am.

Jeremy  10:09
So that must have been a tough day then, right?

Jim  10:13
Oh yeah. It was, uh, not what I was expecting. I mean by the time we got to the place, what do they call that again? The place where they film everything?

Jeremy  10:28
The location?

Jim  10:30
Yeah. That’s it. The location. By the time we got to the location — we had already hiked like a mile up hill with all this equipment — it was just crazy. It was like 6pm on July 4th at the top of this tourist trap and it was like no one there knew we were there to shoot a film. I mean the people working the film knew, but no one around the observatory knew. I mean I thought people would be like, ‘Wow. A movie.’ Like we would be treated like stars or something. But it was the complete opposite. People hated us. They were cussing at us, telling us to get lost, stuff like that. And it was my job to clear out a space for us to film. I tried to leave at first, because I was like totally freaking out, but O-Micron, being the good dude he is, just gave me his flask and made this great speech about how we were going to make history that day. Then they gave me these posts with the retractable straps, kind of like when you go to the airport or the movies. And I was responsible for putting those up in like a giant circle. Kind of like some sort of crop circle in a bunch of people. But even with the alcohol, it was really awkward, I mean I was basically telling picnickers to get up and move because there was a movie shooting. And pretty much as soon I would clear a space, the rangers would be on us, and we’d have to move to another location. Same thing each time, “Excuse me ma’am, sir, this spot is reserved for a movie,” and we would film until the rangers got back and broke it up.

Oliver  12:28
I had been wandering the trails all day. Hikers kept coming up to me, asking if I was okay. I kept telling them to leave me alone. That I was guest of honor on the movie. I fought in Korea god bleep it! Finding my way through Griffith Park was nothing. But being the kind Angelenos they were, they would leave me with water and point me in the direction of the observatory. I even had to the tell the park rangers a few times to go ff bleep themselves, because they would say they were taking me to the movie set, but in fact they were taking me back down the hill. Each time I would just turn back around and run off into the hot underbrush. Anyway, it was getting dark, and by this time, Korea or not, I was out of water and exhausted. So I was clawing my way up this hot, loose-dirt incline when suddenly I could hear a lot of voices and yelling ahead of me. So I burst through the bushes onto this road — and there in the middle of the road was the RV! It was the RV they had purchased for the movie! And I just raised my hands to the sky, said, ‘Thank you, Lord!’ and kissed the ground. And then all these people came up to me, checking if I was okay. Police officers, park rangers, civilians. I had to practically fight them off of me. Apparently some bozo had parked the RV completely across the road and no one had the keys. Well guess what? I had a pair! So I took out the keys and everyone cheered.

Jeremy  15:15
Wait. Wait. Wait. Sorry. Why did you have the keys to the RV.

Oliver  15:22
Why wouldn’t I? It was my investment dollars that purchased it. It was registered to me. I could come and go as I pleased as guest of honor.

Jeremy  15:37
Oh. Okay.

Oliver  15:39
What kind of questions are these? I guess, you’ve never worked in the movie business before. Have you?

Jeremy  15:48
No, I have not.

Oliver  15:51
So sorry for you. Anyhow. Where was I? Oh yes. So people were cheering and they started chanting - move the bus! Move the bus! Move the bus! It was an RV, those morons! So I got into the driver’s seat, released the brake, and then the RV started to roll backwards. And I did what any human would do in such a situation - I panicked. I hit the gas and the RV launched backwards, down the mountain, and into the brush!

Jeremy  16:42
Oh my gosh!

Oliver  16:44
KA-BOOM! It exploded. But amazingly I was okay. So I jumped out of the RV and escaped into the bushes to go look for help.

Sarah  17:02
So we had stopped and started like ten times.

Jim  17:06
And by this time there was a mob of people just raging at us. They were throwing fruits, sandwiches. Every once in a while a beer bottle would fly by. And we were using those aisle posts as kind of like poles with shields on the ends of ‘em to fight back the crowd.

Sarah  17:24
And O was such a hero in that moment. Because no matter what was going on, he was just screaming, ‘Action! Keep going. You’re, like, making movie history!’ And it was majestic. Fireworks were going off all around the city.

Jim  17:50
It was like a war zone. Constant pop-pop-pops and booms going off. People screaming and yelling obscenities at us. Like we were fighting off a bunch of crazed zombies. And I was really starting to panic, because people were breaching the perimeter. Some of ‘em were breaking onto the set and starting to grab equipment, lights, people. 

Sarah  18:16
And then the most beautiful thing happened.

Jim  18:18
Someone yelled, ‘Fire!’ And everything stopped. All you could hear were the actor’s lines.

Sarah  18:25
And I was just saying my lines under the July 4th fireworks.

Jim  18:30
And more people started to yell fire. And it’s like the sea of rioters just switched to low tide or something and started pulling back. They all started running toward the parking lot.

Sarah  18:43 
And we were like, super lucky even, because this fire had broken out on the side of the mountain (or hill or whatever it was) and there was all this beautiful smoke rising in the background of my scene.

Jim  19:01
At that point, just about the whole crew deserted. Booked it to the parking lot. And it was just me, Stalin, and his girlfriend finishing up the scene. Stalin pointing the camera, me pointing the mic, and his girlfriend just saying her lines.

Jeremy  19:19
Were you scared of the fire?

Jim  19:21
No. I mean I had a pretty good buzz going on by that point. It was perfect timing too, because the next step for me would have been another fight.

Jeremy  19:31
Incredibly, the July 4th fire and subsequent evacuation of the Observatory resulted in no injuries, physical ones at least. Many people were extremely upset at their evening having been ruined, and heavy fines were issued to O-Micron, his cast, and crew. Undeterred, O-Micron completed the film, and as reported earlier, toured it thru numerous festivals, even securing several awards. No distribution has yet been secured. He did not return calls for this interview, his publicist responding that O-Micron was busy on the set of his next film. When asked where the film was shooting, ‘Various places,’ was the reply. Sarah left the business after she and O-Micron broke up when it was discovered O-Micron was not actually British. As for Jim, O-Micron’s cousin, he landed in jail again due to another bar fight, but says he intends to return to the movie business. Oliver, the elderly gentleman, continues to invest in O-Micron’s films, citing the sheer adventure as being worth the price of admission. The SEC is investigating the plight of the other investors, mostly dentists and the elderly.