Jeremy 0:00
For our community report, I’m out and about in the community interviewing different individuals and today I have with me Nocab Eciuj — did I get that correct —
Nocab 0:09
—Yes—
Jeremy 0:09
And Nocab is a meditation expert and spiritualist.
Nocab 0:13
Hi.
Jeremy 0:14
And today Nocab is going to take us through a meditation exercise, which we thought would be a good idea since times are stressful and we could all use some de-stressing. Nocab, take it away.
Nocab 0:25
Thank you. Now what I am going to lead you thru is deeply rooted in a religious order that me and my investors founded, but the meditation can be done whether you practice the religion or not, and it really has nothing to do with the religion. It’s just a positive byproduct, one of dozens.
Jeremy 0:45
Oh, cool. Did not know that.
Nocab 0:47
Alright, let’s begin. First off, this meditation should not be performed by people who are pregnant, have epilepsy, or have not received their physician’s approval to practice the religion of Egasuas, the religious order from which this derives.
Jeremy 1:04
Oh. Wait a minute, I did not get my physician’s approval for the, uh —
Nocab 1:09
Don’t worry, I have cast a blessing that will protect you for the duration of the session.
Jeremy 1:14
Oh, okay.
Nocab 1:17
But it will only last for this session.
Jeremy 1:19
Oh, alright.
Nocab 1:22
Lay back down. Now. Find a place to lay down and breath in slowly thru your nose, counting to 1, 2, 3, and exhaling slowly thru your mouth counting to 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. And again in thru the nose 1, 2, 3, and out through the mouth 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Continue this cycle and with each breath begin to feel your body relax. In 1, 2, 3, and out 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Imagine you are floating at the bottom of a peaceful body of water with reeds and plants drifting around you. And with each exhale of breath, you are coming closer to resting in the soft mud at the bottom of the lake. In 1, 2, 3, and out 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Until finally you are resting at the bottom with the river reeds gently tickling your feet and your body. As you rest and sway with the gentle current, you notice a space god floating gently down through the water to rest in front of you. His name is Waffle. He is wearing thong swim trunks and you notice something about this delicate river creature. His body is far too large for his thong. As you continue your breathing, you are going to help Waffle fit into his swim suit by expelling all of you negative energy. With each exhale, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, imagine any anxiety, and upset you have, shooting out like a giant laser from your mouth and melting the excess off of Waffle. In 1, 2, 3, and out 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 shooting that laser of negative energy into Waffle’s flesh. Waffle appreciates your negative energy and begins to shrink into his tight fitting banana hammock.
Lawn mower 4:20
sound of lawnmower
Nocab 4:21
No matter the interruptions, you are strong, you are under the influence of the great Waffle, and you can remain focused and relaxed thru anything. HEY! Do you mind turning off the ff bleep ng mower, or whatever the f bleep that is. We got a meditation session going on here.
Jeremy 4:41
I think we’re done here.
Nocab 4:43
Sit down please and relax. If you’re doing this thing properly, sh bleep t like this should not distract you. HEY! Are you listening? I said to turn that stuff off.
Lawn mower 5:00
sound of lawnmower abates
Nocab 5:07
There, much better. How is Waffle looking? He should now be comfortably fitting into his bathing suit. Continue the breathing. In 1,2,3 and out 1,2,3,4 —
Explosion 5:30
BOOOM of an explosion
Nocab 5:31
Firecrackers!! Again, are you kidding me?! Excuse me a minute.
Explosion 5:36
BOOOM of an explosion
Nocab 5:38
You motherff bleep rs! It’s 6 in the morning!!
Jeremy 5:41
I think this is a good segue to the end of the interview. That was Nocab Eciuj, mediation expert and spiritualist, just one of the many faces of Silver —
Explosion 5:48
BOOOM of an explosion
Jeremy 5:49
Oh sh beep t. I’m out of here.
Nocab 5:51
My investors are not going to be happy!
Explosion 5:53
BOOOM of an explosion
